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hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this quick self-help segment I'm going to cover exactly how to be more confident alright so this is a personal issue for me because I've had a lot of confidence problems that I've worked out over the last five years that I'm still working on some but I think I have some good insights for you about how to develop your confidence and to understand really where you're coming from if you're not feeling confident why it is that you're not as confident as you see other people being and how to flip that around so let's crack into it I'm actually going to give you a recipe that you can follow in the next 15 minutes to get yourself back on track and being the confident type of person that you want to be so confidence let's understand why you're not confident and let's actually back up one step and start with the idea that if you're not confident right now if you're feeling meek if you're feeling very introverted if you're feeling that you're not assertive if you're not decisive with people and in social situations whether it's an intimate relationship or at work or with your friends all of that can be flipped around all that can be changed you're going to have to do some deep personal work some personal development in order to get yourself to the place that you want to be at but you can certainly do it I've done it in my own life where I started out from is that I was overweight for most of my childhood and up through college and so that really crippled my self-image as far as how attractive I felt I was as far as how confident I could be in social situation both when in a relationship with the opposite sex but even in work type situations or even when I was interacting with let's say grocery store clerk just the level of assertiveness that I had there was not the level of assertiveness that I wanted and so I realized that I had to get this handled and so I started following some of these principles I'm going to share with you and really made a lot of progress so I really want to encourage you to not tell yourself that you're just an introvert that you're a shy type of person maybe you have been up to this point but you can change all that all that is changeable so let's talk about why you're not confident the bottom line the reason that you're not confident is because you have some limiting beliefs that somehow got instilled in you whether you instilled them in yourself or whether the environment that you were growing up in as a kid or even as an early adult instilled them into you somehow they got into your system so limiting beliefs beliefs about for example caring what other people think of you trying to get approval from other people worrying that you're going to somehow make a fool of yourself or somehow you're going to get rejected or somehow you're going to get embarrassed or somehow you're going to get disapproval in some way from the people that you're talking with or that somehow what you have to say is not as valuable as what other people have to say or that somehow maybe you view yourself as a naturally shy and kind of in your shell type of person well all of those can be real stumbling blocks towards developing your confidence and how do they get into your system well they get into your system because as you're growing up you have different conditions that you're put into and a lot of times we literally have one or two traumatic events in our past that have suppressed our natural extraversion and I forget exactly who the author was but I remember reading in one book and I loved the brilliance of this is that the author said that we are all born extroverted and those that are introverts are simply introverts because something happened to them to obscure and block their natural extraversion and I find that to be true for me I had various incidents in my past that have caused me to be introverted you I'm sure have your own set of incidents so maybe it was the way that your parents treated you or maybe is the way that your siblings treated you or maybe the way that things happened at school maybe a friend rejected you maybe someone broke up with you something traumatic like that that had caused you to just retreat and go back into your shell and now what happens is that that is ingrained somewhere deep in your subconscious and you don't want to come out you don't want to express yourself you feel like if you are going to be your natural self and you're going to be assertive with people that somehow it's going to come back to hurt you so you feel insecure around people whether in relationships intimately or at work or anywhere else so that's the bottom line of it so if you want to be more confident ultimately you have to dig into these limiting beliefs that's the fundamental solution what you got to do is you got to start identifying and this is we're now getting into the recipe of how to build your confidence all right so this is the first step is I want you to start identifying areas in your life specifically where you lack confidence so don't just say I'm not a confident person identify where you're not confident so maybe you're not confident when you're on a date maybe you're not confident when you're a bar and Club maybe you're not confident talking to the opposite sex maybe you're not confident at work when you just stand up for your beliefs maybe you're not confident when you're interacting with a manager or a boss maybe you're not confident when you're in a large group of people maybe you're not even confident when you're in the grocery store purchasing your groceries and just talking to the cashier where are you lacking confidence maybe all the above but probably I'm guessing some worse more specific right one or two of those are specifically causing you the biggest trouble so I want you to sit down and write down what are all the specific areas in your life where you're encountering this and when you get that specific you're going to start to see some patterns emerge and you're going to start identified a problem more specifically because just general lack of confidence is very abstract and generic so first you're going to hold that down and I want you to really identify specifically the actions that are happening so even when you're not confident let's say on a date what is it exactly that's causing you insecurities there think about that what actions is it the beginning of the date when you first meet and you feel kind of awkward and you don't know that person too well so it's kind of awkward like should we hug should we kiss should be a handshake like that or is it you're uncomfortable talking about yourself and you feel like you can't hold a conversation naturally or maybe you feel unconfident X depressing some of the stories that you have to share about your life and you feel like maybe the person will reject you for them or they'll think that you're weird or you'll get embarrassed or maybe you feel you know some other hang-up there so where exactly are you feeling unconfident on a date in your work situation where are you feeling unconfident there how exactly is that being manifest when you're sitting at a meeting in a group meeting and people are standing up and voicing their opinions and you're sitting there you're kind of being quiet and meek make a note of that if that's you or maybe it's when you see an opportunity in your job maybe to step up and maybe put yourself in line for a promotion position and your mind tells you no no no don't don't do that stay safe stay in your current place and maybe you're lacking confidence in that way right or maybe you're lacking confidence in voicing your thoughts and you can't get those out or you're finding that you're having to hold back your thoughts so make a list all these different ways that you are not being confident then what I want you to do is I want you to analyze each one of those situations that you're facing and say what is an alternative set of actions that you could be taking so what would a confident person be doing so let's say in that on that date situation what would the most confident person who's extremely confident with the opposite sex what would he or she do how would he or she think and jot down some specific points how would he talk about his stories how would she be thinking about the situation how would he or she be carrying himself what would the body language be like what would the thought process be same thing with the situation at work or anywhere else make a list of alternative actions that you could be taking that would feel confident to you if you took them so that is going to be kind of your game plan once you identify the situations and you identify the alternative actions you kind of know what you need to do basically what you need to do is you need to start changing your behaviors and you need to start now living in and practicing those alternative actions and I'm going to give you though a couple of techniques that are going to go along with this process to make a little bit easier so you're going to want to baby step this is not something that you going to really solve in a week it's not even going to be something you solve in a month just tell yourself that this is something worthwhile to work on even if you don't fix it in a month just slowly chip away at it and within a year or two you'll find yourself really raising your confidence level just by chipping away at it every day every other day every week right and you are naturally going to be able to do this because you're always interacting with people and so you have these little opportunities every day or every couple times a week to boost up your confidence level by taking a new set of actions rather than retreating into your shell like you have been in the past so you're going to do that you have to break out of your comfort zone a little bit and a little at times it's going to feel a little bit scary it's going to feel a little bit threatening to you because you want to be safe and you want to retreat back into your shell but you got a set tell yourself is that in the long run it's gonna be worthwhile to push it and so you can kind of find that comfort zone for you where can you push yourself a little bit more a little bit more where it's not too scary because if you make it super super scary then that's just going to put you back into your shell even more so just challenge yourself in small ways and I'm gonna talk about that a little bit more in a second then I'm going to give you a couple of techniques here to help you along with this process so besides finding opportunities where you can now take these alternative actions and step out of your comfort zone the other thing I want you to do is I'm going to give you two affirmations that you're going to tell yourself every morning for five minutes and I have another video where I talk about how to do proper affirmation so go ahead and check that out you can find it on actualised org and also on YouTube but here I'm just going to say number one affirmation is I love being confident so you're going to say that to yourself I love being confident I love being confident I love being confident and you can do that for five minutes straight every morning for at least two months without missing a single day you're going to do that for five minutes you get a timer and you time yourself five minutes of that affirmation and then the second affirmation and this one is I am independent of the good or bad opinion of others I independent of the good or bad opinion of others I am independent of the good or bad opinion of others so this one this one is also one you're going to spend five minutes on every morning so total ten minutes use a stopwatch to time yourself and do this each of them for two months straight you're going to start to notice that it's going to make a big big difference in how you feel about yourself is going to start to work on your subconscious image self-image of yourself now the reason I mention this one that you are independent of the good or bad opinion of others is that I find that people that lack confidence the reason I like confidence is because the bottom line of it is that you're afraid that somehow you're going to cause disapproval in somebody else and the bottom line there is that you just care too much about what other people think of you the fact is that it's not important what other people think of you and now I can tell you that and you might even agree with me logically but your subconscious mind is still going to want that approval it's going to crave approval and it's going to really be painful to you when someone disapproves of you when someone disagrees with you when someone says that what you're doing is wrong when someone has a different opinion than you and so what you got to do is you got to start to somehow numb that down somehow get rid of that belief and the way to do that I found is really nice with that affirmation all right so those two affirmations and then the last technique I'm going to give you is a visualization technique you're going to spend five minutes every morning for the next two months doing this visualization you're going to picture yourself in that specific situation that you made a list of you're going to pick one situation the worst one for you where you feel the least confident and then you're going to take the alternative action that a confident person would take and you can imagine yourself doing that in the moment right now so the way you do a visualization I also have other videos on that that you'll want to check out is basically that you close your eyes and for five minutes using a stopwatch you time yourself is you picture yourself and you feel what it would be like and you imagine in as much detail as possible what would it be like for you to handle that situation where you feel confident to handle it confidently so basically you're pretending that you are a supernaturally confident person and you're going to play that movie out in your mind and you're going to just totally pretend and you're going to totally forget about the fact that you're not confident right now and you're just going to pretend that you are and you're going to do that for two whole months five minutes every day without missing a day Wow if you do those things I guarantee you that your confidence level will skyrocket it will totally change you're not going to believe how effective these very simple techniques can be so the final note that I'm going to end on is that besides doing the affirmations and the visualizations of course you're going to be doing those but then those are really going to be priming you for the real action that you'll be taking in your life which is pushing your comfort zone in real-life situations so the affirmations the visualizations will then get you more they'll basically prime you to then when you're in that real when you're really in the line of fire and you're at that you're on that date or you're in that presentation room at your at your work and you need to be assertive and confident you're gonna you're going to actually step up and take that action that a confident person would take and you're going to have to force yourself a little bit to do that and kind of push through the fear push through any anxiety that you have and as you do that consistently the more you do it the more you do it then you are going to become naturally confident person and you're going to grow into it and it's not going to feel fake at first it might feel a little bit force a little bit fake but it's going to become very natural to you as you just keep doing that the next and last point that I'm going to end on is that I want you to socialize more take opportunities to be more social I find that people that don't have confidence a lot of times is simply because they are doing stuff where they're in solitary confinement they're sitting at home or they're sitting at work in their cubicle they're not out talking with people and they're actually actually actively denying opportunities to socialize so maybe your friends one night on a Friday night are going out to a party and they invite you but you dismiss them in sand on all stay home and read or maybe you know maybe your girlfriend or boyfriend want to take you out and introduce you to their social circle and you're like no no no let's stay in and just watch a movie or maybe at work the your coworkers are deciding to do to host you know an after work party or they're deciding to host uh like a weekly lunch that you guys just get gathered together on and just uh and just chat and socialize and you know they invite you and you say no you know that's not for me I'll just go have my own lunch I make my own lunch I don't really want to go out I don't want to pay for dinner or I don't want to pay for lunch or whatever I want to challenge you to stop that you need to socialize more you need more opportunities to step out of your shell out of your comfort zone and so take on those opportunities first of all don't deny any opportunities that are coming your way but even better go out there and create some new opportunities for yourself what does that look like well maybe every Friday night decide that you're going to go out with some friends to a local bar club maybe decide that you are going to join sort of meetup group where you're going to talk to people that are into whatever thing that you're into veteran to your hobby you can go to meetup.com and find groups there or maybe you are the one that's going to initiate and create a lunch group at work so that instead of waiting for other people to create it you're going to be the leader and you're going to say hey guys why don't we meet for lunch every Wednesday at at noon and we're going to go to this to this restaurant or to this bar this pub and we're just going to just going to socialize we're going to talk work non-work doesn't matter and try to get some friends or try to get some colleagues together to have that kind of social event and be the center of that and set up set up step up and try to be a bit of a leader so all of this is I'm painting kind of in broad strokes the the long term path that you want to take you're going to want to start a baby step it start small strong with the affirmation start with the visualizations creating this list that we talked about and then go out there and actually live it and you're going to find that your life changes all right this is Leo I am signing off this is how to be more confident go ahead like this share this please leave me your comments down below and of course visit actualize org for more videos like this about how to develop your confidence develop yourself as human being develop yourself in your career in your personal life and your relationships and your health basically 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